My name is Sydney Stanfield, and I just finished my sophomore year here at Grand Valley! I am on the Women’s Volleyball team, and I am studying Biomedical science on a Pre-PA track. I transferred to Grand Valley going into fall of my sophomore year, and it was the best decision of my life but before I got to this point, there was a long journey that shaped me into who I am.

Going into my freshman year at my previous school, I was so excited for the new chapter of life. Once the homesickness settled in and being far from home, I quickly started to idolize the sport that got me there in the first place. Volleyball consumed everything- my relationships, my schedule, and my self-worth. Everything during this time revolved around my success in the sport. If I played well, I felt like I was worthy enough to enjoy life outside of volleyball, but, if not, I felt I needed to dwell on what I needed to do to be better for my next opportunity.

Overtime, the pressure and perfectionism I set for myself became an endless cycle. I felt like I was trapped feeling like I could never measure up or be good enough. School was becoming more demanding, and looking back now, I can say that I was in a pit of loneliness that I had never felt before even when I was surrounded by people who cared for me. I was exhausted and completely lost sight of my purpose. I would go into practice and most of the time felt disconnected and that I was just trying to make it through rather than how I could get better.

Eventually, the pressure became too much, and it started to take a physical toll on my body. Not only did I fall out of love with volleyball but now the sport was taken from me completely after tearing my ACL. Now, I was faced with spending the next year doing all I could to fight back to be where I once was.

One moment and it felt like my entire identity was gone.

Recovery was the hardest thing I had ever had to go through mentally. So many people talk about the physical pain that you endure during the process, but not enough talk about the emotional side, and the loneliness you can feel from it. Watching everyone continue to increase their skill while you are doing all you can to fight to get back to the physicality you once had and the constant wondering if you will ever feel like yourself.

However, through this process you have the ability to find who you are outside of your sport. You learn who your people are and the people that care for you more than just who you are as an athlete.

Eventually, I made the decision to enter the transfer portal. One of the scariest things I had done but knew it was what I needed. I committed to Grand Valley and truly have never looked back.

Coming here was refreshing in every way possible. For the first time in a long time, I was surrounded with people who valued me for more than just performance and I started to finally realize why I loved volleyball in the first place:  not because it defined me or that my worth depended on it but because I genuinely loved the game and the people I got to play it with.

Mental health struggles in sports are so real, and injuries can completely change your sense of purpose. When so much of your life is tied to a sport, getting injured can make it feel like you lost everything.

During that time, it doesn’t have to feel like starting over but simply finding your why. So much gratitude has come out of this process, and I wouldn’t change it for the world because it made me who I am today. I found joy in the little things and how much fun it is to play with people you love- and that is my why day in and day out.