My name is Ella Manfred, and I am a junior midfielder on the lacrosse team. 

I have grown up with a constant reminder that “you’re not nervous, you’re excited.” While this is a great mindset to have in theory, sometimes the “nerves” can seem too much to bear. 

I have always struggled with anxiety around athletics. Pressure to succeed from both coaches and myself has pushed me to the point of being physically sick before practices and games. I would leave practices dwelling on mistakes and things I could have done better. I used to think that this made me weak and not mentally tough enough to play a college sport. I put so much pressure on myself to play perfectly that I forgot why I loved lacrosse in the first place.

Although this is something I still struggle with, I have learned that what has helped me the most is leaning on the people around me. My teammates, family, and friends are my support system. They remind me that everyone has their own struggles, even if they are not always seen. They also help to remind me that no one is perfect. 

One of the most important things I have learned this year is that I am more than just a lacrosse player. I am also a student, a sister, a daughter, and a friend. I have learned to give myself a limited amount of time after practices or games to think about lacrosse before shifting my focus to anything else for the rest of the day. Separating my identity from my sport has not made me less mentally tough or competitive; it has helped me regain balance in my life and view athletics with a healthier mindset. Lacrosse is something that I love to do and have worked hard for, but my performance does not define me as a person, and I have so many other things in my life that make me happy.

I still have times when I struggle with anxiety around athletics, but I know that I am not fighting these feelings alone. My support systems help me to remind myself of my value off the field.