Permanent link for What does COVID-19 have to do with grief and loss? on April 13, 2020

Human beings are wired to be connected to each other. When that connection is broken, we experience loss and grief. It’s easy to see how losing someone we love through death or a breakup can lead to grief. It’s also understood that we will have those same feelings if we lose a beloved pet.  But how does COVID-19 lead to grief and loss?

Robert Neimeyer, PhD, director of the Portland Institute for Loss and Transition suggests that we not only form attachments to people and pets, but to other things as well. We develop attachments to places, to our education, our health, our sense of personal security, and our freedoms. We develop a sense of security that the government and health systems which support us will continue to function. We develop strong attachments to our hopes and dreams for the future. This pandemic threatens many of those attachments and leads to a grief that is often unnamed and invisible to others.

What are some things we can do to address grief? Here are some suggestions:

1. Name the losses—it is important to identify the losses and write them down. Niemeyer calls it, “Name it and claim it.” There is strength in naming the losses. It helps us see the new realities before us and we will need to see those realities clearly in order to regroup and move forward.
2. Share the grief—right now the entire community around you is grieving for many reasons. This is a time we can stand in support of and solidarity with each other. If you are struggling with a loss, you can be certain that others are too. Name your losses and encourage others to do the same.
3. Identify your strengths, resources and coping skills—Make a list of your strengths. If you can’t think of any, ask others what they see in you. Identify the resources you have at your disposal and research other resources you may need to get through this time. Think about previous difficult times you have faced and the coping skills that helped you get through it.
4. Clarify your values—Before COVID-19, what were the things you valued and gave your life meaning? What was worth getting out of bed for in the morning? How can you continue to live out that value? For example, perhaps you value helping others, but because of social distancing, you can no longer do what you were doing. What else might you do that could be helpful to others, even if it’s not a face-to-face activity?
5. Practice gratitude—Research has shown that writing down three things each day that you are grateful for reduces depression and leads to a stronger sense of well-being. It trains your brain to notice opportunities. Start a list and add three new things each day, while reviewing the things you wrote down on previous days. Gratitude is not a practice meant to deny or minimize our losses. Those losses are real and painful. Instead, a gratitude practice sounds more like, “I am really in pain over the loss of ____, AND I am grateful that I woke up healthy today.”

Next week we will take a closer look at grief and some new, empowering ways to look at it.

Human beings are wired to be connected to each other. When that connection is broken, we experience loss and grief. It’s easy to see how losing someone we love through death or a breakup can lead to grief. It’s also understood that we will have those same feelings if we lose a beloved pet.  But how does COVID-19 lead to grief and loss?

Robert Neimeyer, PhD, director of the Portland Institute for Loss and Transition suggests that we not only form attachments to people and pets, but to other things as well. We develop attachments to places, to our education, our health, our sense of personal security, and our freedoms. We develop a sense of security that the government and health systems which support us will continue to function. We develop strong attachments to our hopes and dreams for the future. This pandemic threatens many of those attachments and leads to a grief that is often unnamed and invisible to others.

What are some things we can do to address grief? Here are some suggestions:

1. Name the losses—it is important to identify the losses and write them down. Niemeyer calls it, “Name it and claim it.” There is strength in naming the losses. It helps us see the new realities before us and we will need to see those realities clearly in order to regroup and move forward.
2. Share the grief—right now the entire community around you is grieving for many reasons. This is a time we can stand in support of and solidarity with each other. If you are struggling with a loss, you can be certain that others are too. Name your losses and encourage others to do the same.
3. Identify your strengths, resources and coping skills—Make a list of your strengths. If you can’t think of any, ask others what they see in you. Identify the resources you have at your disposal and research other resources you may need to get through this time. Think about previous difficult times you have faced and the coping skills that helped you get through it.
4. Clarify your values—Before COVID-19, what were the things you valued and gave your life meaning? What was worth getting out of bed for in the morning? How can you continue to live out that value? For example, perhaps you value helping others, but because of social distancing, you can no longer do what you were doing. What else might you do that could be helpful to others, even if it’s not a face-to-face activity?
5. Practice gratitude—Research has shown that writing down three things each day that you are grateful for reduces depression and leads to a stronger sense of well-being. It trains your brain to notice opportunities. Start a list and add three new things each day, while reviewing the things you wrote down on previous days. Gratitude is not a practice meant to deny or minimize our losses. Those losses are real and painful. Instead, a gratitude practice sounds more like, “I am really in pain over the loss of ____, AND I am grateful that I woke up healthy today.”

Next week we will take a closer look at grief and some new, empowering ways to look at it.

- Les White, LMSW, CAADC

Posted on Permanent link for What does COVID-19 have to do with grief and loss? on April 13, 2020.