Lexie  0:02  

Welcome back to the I'm doing fine Podcast. I'm Lexie.

 

Katie  0:07  

and I'm Katie.

 

Karly  0:08  

I'm Karly.

 

Usha  0:09  

I'm Usha.

 

Lexie  0:10  

and we just had full break. It's truly wild how fast this semester is flying by. The trees look so pretty as they change and the temps are finally getting cooler like but hopefully that means it's almost time for one of my all time favorite holidays, Halloween. Everything about Halloween is so incredible to me, like the candy, the weather, the decor, but most of all, spending months planning my costume, and I just want to chat, like, what are some costumes you guys have done that you loved?

 

Karly  0:47  

You have to hear me out on this. 

 

Katie  0:49  

I'm ready.

 

Karly  0:51  

My dad and I DIY, a homemade scuba diver. We use, like, two liter bottles as the air tank and, like, spray painted them. I got like, a clear tube and, like a binky and lab goggles.

 

Lexie  1:07  

Did you guys make your like, were you a make your costume family? Okay, that's awesome, dude. I love that.

 

Katie  1:14  

One year when I was younger, I can't remember how old I was, I was the queen of hearts. Oh my God, I it was so cute. I was so excited because I got to wear like, makeup for the first time. Yeah, I was like, super young, but the makeup was this red lipstick. But then I also got so mad because it was so cold that year and I had to wear a long I had to wear a long sleeve under my dress. And I remember fighting with my mom, I said, mom, no, it's gonna ruin the costume. I was so mad, 

 

Lexie  1:46  

Michigan Halloween? 

 

Katie  1:47  

Oh yeah, it was horrible. 

 

Lexie  1:49  

Ruined many costumes for me. 

 

I've always been a Halloween costume fanatic, and, like, ever since I was a kid, I'd get so excited to plan them out. But last year, we did two different ones for two different nights, and they had to be with my like, all time favorites. The first night, my friends and I did mystery gang. So I was Velma, and my dog, Sequoia was Scooby, and like, my friends were the other gangsters, I know it was so fun. And then the next night, my partner and I were pirates, and Sequoia was a parrot, and it just was so so precious. 

 

Katie  2:17  

I literally love that 

 

Lexie  2:18  

I know I live when I can, like, include her in the costume. 

 

Katie  2:21  

That's so awesome.

 

Usha  2:22  

It's interesting to hear all. But I like Halloween costumes, but I never tried any of them. I usually wear something orange, which is related to the theme, yeah, but I'm thinking of trying to do something different for this Halloween. 

 

Lexie  2:35  

Yeah.

 

Katie  2:38  

So fun. So more to the serious stuff. We're talking about our fears and how it affects us and how we're working through it. I think someone has something that they're afraid of deep down, but won't say it out loud, or just kind of pushes it away, pretends it's not there. Being in college students sometimes are expected to have everything together, have our lives together, have our futures together, and like we're supposed to be grown ups, but like we're not, like we are not grown ups, like, this is crazy, but um, so I hope some of our fears can be relatable to some of the students listening, and find some comfort in our experiences as well. So for me personally, I have a huge fear of failing or not being good enough. I have always had the thought in my mind like, what if, like, all this schooling, all this money spent, what if, like, all this hard work is for nothing. Like, if you all didn't know, and I haven't mentioned it before, I'm working towards a career in medicine. I want to become a doctor one day. Um, if you know anything about med school criteria and application process, I'm so sorry. Um, it truly consumes all of you and takes so much to even be considered. Um, I work so hard to get clean clinical hours and experience line up research opportunities for myself, so I'm giving back to the community by volunteering and getting good rate good getting good grades, all while balancing my personal life and my mental health all at once. And like, it is crazy, like every single day in my life is crazy. Um, it is exhausting, and I'm trying my best, but even if I am on top of things, I feel like I'm still falling behind, like I'm not good enough, and like I'm never gonna get into med school. Um, unfortunately, I also believe this is how my family and friends will see me as a person if, like, I grow up and like, this doesn't work out. Um, literally, nobody in my family, except my mom, went to college, so they really don't get it. They've always had their opinions about, like, me being two hours away from home and studying and paying so much for school. They just, like, don't get it. Um, sometimes it feels like they don't support me because they don't get it, like they ask them so many questions, and sometimes they just don't get it because they're like, ew. Like, why are you doing that? You're wasting so much time, so much money, when you could be working because that's just, like, what they know, um, so, like, I think if I don't accomplish this goal of becoming a doctor, they'll have, like, oh, I told you. So, like, we knew this wasn't gonna happen. Blah, blah, blah, blah, that type of thing. And it's so hard and frustrating because, like, I care so much about what my family thinks. And, like, it's a pro and a con, but at the end of the day, like, this is going to be my job, not theirs. Yeah, I don't know why I care so much. It's so hard for me to like, just let go of that. I've been working with this since freshman year, like I've always felt this way ever since I moved away, which sucks, but I'm getting better. I always tell myself, although these feelings are really real, no one has actually come out and said, like, I can't do this to my face. Like, no one has actually, like, said that to me. So it's like, there is probably a reason why I'm feeling this way, like the signs and the questions and like the behind the back judgment, like I feel it, but it's not worth it not to let it control my life and consume me and make this like a whole thing, because ultimately affects my education and me actually getting there and my future doesn't depend on them and them believing me in me, it depends on myself and what I do for myself. Um, so I just need to separate myself from these thoughts and be great for myself and not anybody else. Like, they are not going to like, come to work with me every day, and they're not going to like, it's just hard for me to like, kind of believe like, I know this is what I feel, and I know that they're not going to be doing this with me in the future, but it's just hard for me to like, let it not affect me. You know what I'm saying? Yeah?

 

Lexie  7:07  

No, totally. I totally get that, and I relate to a lot of the stuff you talked about. Yeah, this prompt comes at a good time, because I'm applying to PhD programs next month, and I am terrified of not getting accepted because they're so competitive, similar to you, like, I don't know if you guys know what the application process is like, but it is no joke, and it is consuming my life, like absolutely and I've been planning and prepping for my grad school application literally since high school, but I'm so worried that it just won't be enough because it is so competitive, but it's tough because I truly don't want to do anything else. It took me a long time to really discover what I wanted to do, like I started college wanting to be a therapist, and I switched to a clinical psychologist, and then finally landed on pursuing a sociology PhD to be a professor and researcher, like my junior year. And it feels so right, and I'm so passionate and excited about it. So imagining not being able to actually do it, like, truly haunts me. Then, like, even if I do get in, I often worry that I wouldn't be able to succeed in the program, because my mental health could get worse, or even that if I made it through grad school, there's no way I could be successful long term as a professor like it just goes on and on, you know. And I really struggled mentally freshman year, and honestly, it wasn't until this year that I've started truly feeling like, quote, unquote, like better. But because my mental health was so unstable for so long, there's always a fear in the back of my mind that me doing better right now is just temporary and like it won't last, you know. And I know that isn't true, because I'm doing better because of things I do have control over, and when I'm really struggling with anxiety over it, I remind myself that I got through hard things doing much worse mentally. Yeah, so I'm more than qualified to get through this too. And my therapist has also been a big help during all of this. She reminds me that I've always ended up exactly where I'm meant to be, even if it sounds cheesy, but like, even with even when things felt like so scary, and I can think back, like in my life, like in high school and then early college, like being so genuinely, like, horrified, like, for the future, and now here we are, and it was fine, like it truly was fine, works out. So whether I get into grad school or not, I know I'll find my way, and I will be okay regardless, which is, you know, just got to keep that in mind. A

 

Karly  9:38  

lot of my fears are definitely linked to just having imposter syndrome to do so realize so really feel like I grew up as, like the naturally smart kid. I feel like a lot of people have that, and that gave me the mentality that like school would just always be like the

 

Lexie  9:53  

one thing, yeah.

 

Karly  9:57  

But when I came to college, I basically had to create. Like, a whole new mindset, a whole new work ethic, because learning just does not come as naturally to me as it used to. But this change in how I have to work at school has given me, like, a little bit of imposter syndrome, because, like, I assume that, oh, since I have to work extra hard, that means I'm not good enough for, like, any goals, yeah. Oh, why am I struggling in like, my major specific classes.

 

Katie  10:23  

So real dude, so awesome. Because, like, the way you just said that was so, like, validating, yeah, and like, I feel like that, but like, I haven't been able to, like, put that into words. And like, actually putting it into words is, like, mind blowing is

 

Karly  10:37  

so frustrating, because I'm like, why am I struggling in like, a class that I'm so passionate about? I'm like, that must mean I'm like, horrible at it? Yeah, no, literally, but it's completely normal. And, like, I just catch myself thinking that, like, if I'm not automatically great, that means I do not belong in this field, or I should be doing something else. But a quote that really stuck with me, that I actually heard at like, an event I went to a couple, like, weeks ago, is, if it's not scaring you, you aren't dreaming big enough. So that's like, what's getting me through and reminding myself I love that, yeah, important to struggle. Even that just means I'm learning, but yeah, and it means I'm passionate, but I feel like a good reminder to everyone that like, those people that like say they don't study. They say they just like, Dude, I don't study. They're lying. They're literally lying.

 

I'm sorry, but if like in chemistry, there's no..

 

Lexie  11:28  

Bro no way, no way.

 

Karly  11:31  

So yeah, having doubts about yourself and just having to work hard to overcome those doubts is just very natural part of college. Absolutely

 

Lexie  11:38  

No, I love that. That's so good.

 

Usha  11:40  

So coming to me like I have a fear of taking important decisions, especially when it comes to my life, either personal or professional. From childhood, I have this habit of thinking a lot before making a decision, because I analyze everything and still have doubts like whether I doing correct or not. It is mostly due to my fear of failure or due to the consequences, I have to fail if I took the bad decision, yeah, and the people's judgment if I end up making wrong one. This all make me scared to take the decision which has a lot of impact on me. Sometimes I overthink to extremes, which disrupts my other part of life, and or try to take the safe decisions or opinion of others, yeah, so, but I have this unique thing like, whatever the big decision related to my life should be with my own will not be influenced by others. So to make decisions on my own, I started thinking about my fears and understanding them, which is mainly due to the fear of consequences or uncertainty. I started understanding that there is no such thing as right decision every time, and every decision in your life will teach you something and prepare you for the next steps in the life. I also started understanding that outcome or results or not in our hands, we just have to do our best in everything as part of overcoming this, I had taken decision to do my Masters abroad. I mean, like in here? Yeah, no, I have my own set of difficulties here it is teaching me that many things and gives a different perspective that makes me feel good about my decision without any regrets. I still think a lot before making a big decision, but I'm trying to work on thinking not too much about the consequences, especially the one I don't know whether it will be at the positive or negative, yeah

 

Katie  13:27  

That's so relatable.

 

Usha  13:27  

Yeah, it's great to hear about the fears and strategies or things all of us are doing to overcome this, because most of these are very relatable, and I'm sure many people will relate themselves to these. Now, let's talk about some mindful moments. Yeah,

 

Lexie  13:45  

hello, mindful moments. Um, yeah, Sequoia and I have been,my dog, have been getting up and going for a walk first thing in the morning before I take my meds. And that's like an important aspect of it because I take stimulants for ADHD, which truly saved my life every day. Like, I'm not bad talking stimulants, okay, but they can make me feel a lot less connected to myself and my life. Like there's kind of a robotic piece for anybody that's taking stimulants. There's kind of like a robotic, like, sped up feeling of them. And I find like I get up in the morning and I take my meds, and then all day, you know, I feel like that, and then I go to bed. And so I really have felt kind of just disconnected from myself. So we get up in the morning go for a walk before we take our meds, before everything gets so busy, and I just get to enjoy being outside with Sequoia and letting myself kind of think freely. And honestly, it's been really good for both my mental health and sequoias, because she gets to, kind of like, start her day in the morning too. So it's nice to start off on a mindful note. You know?

 

Um, I've been stealing my roommate's puppy. I've been kidnapping the puppy. I've been taking him to the ravine. Um, have you went to the ravines? 

 

How have I been to the ravine? Please.

 

Katie  15:10  

You know that little track? Yeah, yeah. This dog will run in sprint and attack any dog. Like, oh my god. I love it. Not attacking about right? Okay, happily, like, happily attack, happily go, kind of wrestle with them, a little bit so cute, while I can, like, walk around the track. Like, this is so awesome. And like, I hate that it's getting colder out. Like, I have so much fun. And like, seeing all the dogs playing is like, so healing. I know, I know. Why can't everything be like this? No, I literally love it. And sometimes my roommate goes with me, whose dog it actually is, and then we walk together, and it's just like a little fun thing. Oh my God. 

 

Lexie  15:52  

Ideal. Shut up. 

 

Katie  15:54  

It makes me so happy just talking about it. 

 

Usha  15:56  

Yeah. So I started watching the movies and series, which have been on my list for so long. After COVID, I stopped doing the binge watching, but now recently, I have started it.

 

Lexie  16:11  

Yeah, right, yeah, for sure. 

 

Katie  16:14  

Literally love that so much.

 

Lexie  16:19  

I just start and I stop. 

 

Karly  16:21  

My main thing is, I've been trying to keep in touch with my long distance, friendly family much more often. It's helped me so much, because I feel like I don't see them very often, so I, like, forget how much, yeah, like, start talking. That's so really to pull so it's nice to take time, like, out of each day, either FaceTime people or, like, actually plan events, because I have some friends from, like, I used to work with them. They haven't seen each other in like, six months. And, like, Wait, why don't you just plan to hang out?

 

Lexie  16:50  

So cute, okay?

 

Usha  16:56  

Because I can, right? Yeah, so when I do the face time or anything. Yeah, I feel very happy.

 

Lexie  17:08  

And like, technology makes it so easy. Like, yeah, for real.

 

Karly  17:15  

Yeah, with that. Thank you to everyone for listening to our podcast again. We will see you next month. 

 

Lexie  17:21  

Bye, guys, bye.