00:00:02 Lexi

Welcome back to the I'm doing fine. Podcast. I'm Lexi. I use they/them pronouns.

00:00:08 Katie F.

I'm Katie. I use she/her pronouns. 

Katie B.

I'm also Katie. Also use she/her pronouns.

00:00:15 Emma

I'm Emma. I'm gonna she/her pronoun.

00:00:17 Lexi

I can't believe how fast March is flying by. I know it's still like it was like, forever ago, but I did want to hear about how you guys spent it.

00:00:28 Katie F.

Well, I took a trip with a lot of my friends to Austin, TX. We had the best time ever. The most notable experience is when we went to this Mexican restaurant. Everything was pink, the chips were pink. There were, yeah, there was roses hanging from the ceiling. Like it was awesome. And then I came home and I got the flu. So. Wow. So that kind of sucked. But the trip was awesome. 

00:00:47 Katie B.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm jealous because I've never been to Texas, but all my friends were have been to Galveston Austin, 

00:01:07 Katie F.

This is my first time being like in Texas, I've never been there before.

00:01:09 Lexi

I love Austin.

00:01:10 Katie B.

Well, I didn't get to go anywhere fun, but it was nice because I just got to go home and relax and just kind of see some of my other friends who were on spring break from other colleges. I honestly, it was really good because I'm still in the process of deciding where to go for grad school, so I was kind of looking at that, but just kind of got to spend time with my dog with my family so, but I feel like time is like flying by now, so I definitely enjoyed that time to like relax while I had it for sure.

00:01:38 Katie F.

Ohh my gosh, you just reminded me. I also got a puppy over spring break. Yes, we got a little puppy. French bulldog. We really bought it for my other dog because she needed a friend, so we bought our other dog a puppy. So yeah, I forgot about that. You mentioned your dog. And I'm like, oh, oh, yeah, it's so fun.

00:02:01 Emma

Yeah. For me, I had a pretty chill spring break. I went back home. I also I'm watching the movies, which was pretty fun. I saw Anyone but You. Yeah, it was.

00:02:14 Katie B.

So good it's a good movie.

00:02:17 Lexie

I don't usually love Florida, but we went so yes.

00:02:32 Katie B.

I think it's a different part of Florida.

00:02:37 Katie B.

It's so awesome.

00:02:42 Katie B.

Hmm.

00:02:44 Katie F.

Yes, I know you love that.

00:02:47 Lexi

So it's fun, like, you know, going to beach and restaurants and stuff. I did kind of struggle with some mental health stuff and that was tough, but I wanted to mention it because I think some like, I think people do and to kind of normalize that, like even if you did something cool  for spring break or had a good Spring Break, but you also maybe kind of struggled with your mental health it’s OK, totally normal.

00:03:12 Katie F.

Yeah.

00:03:14 Katie B.

I think it is because like you kind of get a second to catch up and yeah. I've been focusing on so much that I haven't even checked in for myself. And it’s so normal. 

00:03:23 Lexi

And it's so you finally have like that time.

00:03:26 Katie B.

Yeah.

00:03:27 Lexi

And all your thoughts like, catch up then yeah.

00:03:30 Katie B.

Yeah.

00:03:31 Lexi

So then you feel bad because you're like I'm on vacation. I shouldn't feel like this right now. Like I'm using my, you know, 

00:03:32 Katie B.

-but you shouldn't feel bad.

00:03:41 Katie F.

It’s just like a vicious cycle.

Katie B.

Yeah, for sure.

00:03:41 Emma

So I'm glad to hear about everyone's Spring Break about we, each of us had, like a good spring break. And just like relaxing, relaxing with our family or just going somewhere, going on a trip. And now we're going to talk about, like, our identities and growth and shaping who we are like for me, going to college was a bit hard because I live about 2 1/2 hours away. So.

Katie F.

Yeah, I agree. I agree with that. 

00:04:11 Emma

Yeah, it's kind of hard like because I didn't really know anyone here. But I joined like some like clubs and organizations like like with mi Familia. What is it like a Hispanic/Latino. And I felt like more in touch with my identity and being there, like, yeah. And being able to be with people who kind of look like me, which was so nice. And there's like, 300 more organizations on campus. So like, really you can find any club or joining that you can find more sense of identity or growth and just like become who you are.

00:04:49 Katie B.

I think that's like really important too, because you like coming to college and you're like, who I like, who I was thinking I was. But then, like, everything, everything is changing. And this is like, no one's telling you things anymore. So, like, there's so many different groups and like clubs here in Grand Valley, like I didn't even know about.

00:05:09 Lexi

No, like there are so many1

Katie B.

And you can create one if there's not one which is so cool. 

Lexie

Yeah, it's pretty awesome.

00:05:16 Katie F.

For me, I have recently been growing out of expectations from like my family and honestly, expectations that I have for myself. Yeah, I have always been like this needs to happen early like I need to graduate early or I don't know what I'm going to be a failure or whatever, or I need to go to Med school or I'm going to be a failure since that's the expectation that I set for myself. But recently I've been thinking like is that really what I wanna do? Like is that something I actually wanna do? So right now I'm just trying to learn to be OK with taking things one step at a time. And not get too worried about what's next for me and just worry about my grades, my classes, everything that's right now, things that I can control right now. Like I can't control any of my future right now within. Like. 

00:06:20 Katie B.

Yeah, I feel like you're like we are our harshest critiques.  Like you always feel like. I don't know. How to say it like we have these expectations like we need to do this in the future, but we don't even like we hold ourselves to this high standard that is sometimes it's so unrealistic.

Katie F.

Right.

00:06:38 Katie B.

And then like when we don't meet those expectations. It takes such a toll on us.

Katie F.

And I am a first generation like, four-year University College student. 

Katie B.

Wow. 

00:06:50 Katie F.

And I feel like my family at home has such high expectations like I told them, like my goal I want to be a doctor and now I'm like, So what if I don't do that? I feel like they're gonna get disappointed, but then again, it's just like they don't know what it's like to be in college and, like, decide like that's just not what I want to do so I am trying to learn and grow to be OK with doing what I need to do and not worry about other people's judgment and their feelings about it because I feel like that's my main concern with everything going on is what is gonna be like, what are they gonna think about, like, am I a failure? But that is something I'm trying to get away from, something I've visited in therapy recently. So I mean, I guess it's just one step at a time.

00:07:46 Lexi

Yeah, that's very relatable and college has been really transformative for me because the opportunity to move away from home was really kind of kind of allowed me to find peace for myself and my family and parts of myself I wasn’t ok with. I grew up in a really strict like Christian home and that impacted how I saw myself and how I saw other people and you know, once I was at school, I had the freedom to really, like, explore who I was and explore who I wanted to be. And, you know, all of that. And slowly I started to see myself with more acceptance and less like shame or like something. But I came out as bisexual and Polly, freshman year and non-binary a few months ago and I'm so happy to say-I know!

00:08:45 Katie F.

I’m so happy for you!

00:08:47 Lexi

So fun. It feels so much more like myself and and I don't have to kind of always be like no, like you can't be like that. Like you have to, you know, you know, like, yeah, yeah. And, you know, unfortunately my family does not accept those pieces of me. And that's just something I've had to kind of like to be OK with because, it was either that or like not have a relationship with them, then that's not something I want to do. So yeah, you know, you know that's tough. But and I don't, I don't necessarily think my mental health struggles have gotten, like, better. But I do feel like they've changed as I've gotten to know myself better. So, I don't know. I feel like the more I understand myself, the more I'm able to, like, accept those parts of me. And that ultimately allows me to like better manage like symptoms. But yeah, I don't know. I'm very thankful for the experiences college has provided me because they've really allowed me to find like who I really am outside of my family.

00:10:01 Katie F.

Right, cause at the end of the day you’re your own individual –

00:10:03 Katie B.

Right. Yea. 

00:10:04 Katie F.

And it's hard to have that relationship with your family growing up because I was also raised in a yeah, I went to a private Catholic school my whole life like that definitely changed who I was, and once I got here, it was definitely a huge culture shock. Yeah. 

00:10:23 Lexie 

Oh – I have to agree. 

Katie F.

Like I’m allowed to do this!

00:10:26 Lexie

That's crazy. But Yeah. 

Katie B. 

Like also like for me. I was very like – Independence is just hard like I was very reliant on others. 

00:10:36 Katie F.

That's how I was too. 

00:10:37 Katie B.

Like and kind of being like I can make my own choices of who I am and like what I want. Like coming to that even realization and like being OK like I'm not going to satisfy everyone, but I'm satisfying myself like 

Lexie

I'm happy.

00:10:50 Katie B.

Yeah. And like, I guess that's kind of what I got out of college. I'm I'm a completely different person than when I started. I've grown out of – 

00:11:01 Lexie

Out of as well for me.

00:11:02 Katie B.

Yeah, I have grown out of my comfort zone, for sure. I relied heavily on my relationships with others and I like was so and I'm. I'm not going to lie, I still am so indecisive. I cared so much about what others thought of me and I kind of just like, didn't allow myself to, like, do what I wanted and it was really like hindering me actually, like. I didn't really get the opportunity my freshman year to, like, hang out with who I wanted and get the experiences of what I wanted. And it wasn't until I realized, like my own mental health struggles, I was like, I am just not happy. You know, it's like I I deserve. Like, it took me a minute to be like I actually deserve this. Yeah. And then I like went out and like, got myself a job that I actually liked. I met people I liked and I kind of got that leadership confidence and it's like really helped me like figure out that like if I don't want to spend time with these people, I don't have to. And it's actually like a hard lesson to learn, especially like in college, with roommates. You live with people like you feel like obligated to spend time with them, even if they aren't necessarily the best for your mental health.

00:12:25 Lexie

That’s real.

00:12:26 Katie B.

For sure. And it's helped me as I transition like out of undergrad into grad school. I feel like I'll only get more independent and like figure out and learn more about myself. While like relationships are so important to me, like I value them. I have also learned to understand that it's important like the relationship I have with myself. Um, to take care of myself because if I'm not doing OK, then how can I help other people?

 

Transcript

00:00:02 Katie B.

I think that has to say that the person that we were when we started college is completely different than who we are as college has ended, we just change and that is totally OK. I think we should normalize it and embrace the changes that we are, but with that I think it is time to end our podcast with our Mindful Moments, and for me this week I just want to share that I have been religiously going to this one singular cafe in particular, and though it might not have the best coffee - as me and Lexi have found - it does have really good Tara bagels and it is open until 1:00 AM Midnight Express. It is downtown. It has the cutest little set up. Yeah, I can always just get all my homework done there. It's a great place to meet friends. If your friends that live downtown.

00:00:51 Lexie

It's right by like the downtown campus like.

00:00:53 Katie B. 

Yeah. And I I don't know. I just love it. I like. I don't know, I've just been like getting my mind off of like doing homework in the library or my room or somewhere.

00:01:02 Katie F. 

Scenery.

00:01:06 Katie B. 

Yea, I can just like people watch when I get bored then I’m like, oh wait, no, I do my homework and you feel.

Lexie.

And you feel productive cause you're like I did something.

00:01:10 Katie B.

I did. I always get so much done there.

00:01:18 Katie F.

Lexi is rubbing off on us.

00:01:23 Katie F. 

So I recently been hopping on the train of like intentionally making and buying meals and planning them. I find like, if I don't do that, I'm gonna eat something super unhealthy, and then I'm gonna feel bad about it afterwards. And now just kind of paying attention to what I'm actually buying instead of buying a bunch of random things and not having anything for meals. It's made me feel better about myself because I'm like. Ohh, I made myself a nice little meal like this is awesome, but yeah.

00:02:03 Katie B.

I love that. That's so fun. That's so.

00:02:05 Emma

For me? I like playing pool with some of my friends in the Kirkoff they have like some pool tables and also ping pong tables. I like just going just like hanging out with someone. Just getting a break from my studies and this not having to worry about homework I have to do.

00:02:23 Katie F. 

That’s so awesome.

00:02:26 Katie B.

Yeah. 

Lexie: I feel like I spend a lot of my time thinking about school and classes and like the drama of my roommates constantly and you know all of that so Sequoia, my dog and I are. We've been in and out of, like, obedience type stuff her whole life, but we really have fallen in love with rally. So we've been doing rally classes at this place downtown, so we're in the level two class and after that we would actually be like competing. 

00:02:49 Katie F. 

Oh WOW!

00:02:50 Lexie

Just, I know

00:02:58 Katie F.

Ohh Sequoia.

00:03:02 Lexi

But it's amazing to be able to just, like literally forget about school and forget about the drama and forget about everything and just have fun with my dog. And it's like leading up to something that's like tangible, you know, competing is like an actual like.Yeah Ohh my gosh, it's like a hobby!

00:03:22 Lexi

Uh-huh. Yeah, I have a hobby.

00:03:30 Katie F.

That's so awesome. I love that. Thank you guys so much for listening to this week's episode. We will see you next time with some new possible Peer Eds. So let's finish out the semester strong. We got, what, 5-4 more weeks? Oh, my gosh, I can't wait. I need a break. Well, thanks, guys. Bye.

00:03:50 ALL: [BYE!]