00:00:01 Katie F.

Welcome back to “I'm Doing Fine” podcast. I'm Katie she/ her.

00:00:05 Katie B.

And then I'm also Katie using she/her pronouns.

00:00:08 Lexie

I'm lexie. I use any pronouns.

00:00:11 Emma

I'm Emma. I use see/her pronouns.

00:00:14 Katie F.

Happy Valentine's Day, guys.

00:00:16

Yeah, yeah.

00:00:18 Katie F.

I know a lot of people approach this differently, just kind of according to your personal life, I do as well, so I kind of understand all points of views of this but yeah, so I kind of wanted to talk about our favorite Valentine's Day traditions and candies and fun stuff like that. Yeah, all the fun stuff. Yes. So when we were planning this podcast, I was talking about like remembering as a little kid in like, elementary school having Valentine's Day like days and you gave everybody Valentine's like you had the little shoe box and like, everyone would go around the classroom. It was that vibe was unmatched.

00:01:06 Katie B.

And like you decorated the boxes.

00:01:07 Katie F.

Yes, I loved that stuff! Like I literally loved it.

00:01:13 Lexie

I'm so jealous. I was home schooled, so I did not get to do all of this but I think I would have loved it.

00:01:16 Katie B.

You would have loved it! I remember loving it. But then like as like a little middle middle schooler or no elementary schooler. I was like, I don't want to give a Valentine to this person. Like, it's like I don't like them.

00:01:26 Katie F.

Literally.

00:01:27 Lexie

I was gonna ask about that. What if you like have beef with someone?

00:01:30 Katie B.

You have to. It was like a rule like.

00:01:32 Katie F.

All or nothing.

00:01:34 Katie B.

And then it was like you got known. I don't know if this is like you at your school, but like, you got known if you gave, like, gave the good Valentine's Day candy or like not, yes.

00:01:40 Speaker 5

Oh my God, I would have eaten the sauce. Oh my God.

00:01:42 Katie F.

Like, no, like when it was your birthday and you brought treats and you you were –

00:01:46 Emma

Oh yeah, I remember that –

00:01:48 Katie F.

You were known if you brought in the good stuff.

00:01:52 Katie B.

Yeah, definitely I love Valentine's Day, and I feel like there's so many traditions surrounding it, and I know most people relate that to any type of romantic relationship, but honestly, like you can celebrate that with your friends yourself. Like it's just a time to, like, practice, love. And I honestly just love celebrating this time by watching cheesy ROM com movies. Maybe not necessarily like Hallmark movies. But the ones on Netflix, you guys know, just like To All the Boys I Loved Before is kind of my guilty pleasure. I don't know why, but like it seems too perfect to be true. So it's just kind of like fun to watch. Especially like with your friends. You can make a night of it, have fun, snacks, make like a charcuterie board. But also I always look forward to Valentine's Day because my mom always remembers that I love, like white Lindor chocolate, so she always, like, gives that to me.

00:02:42 Lexie

That’s so cute. I totally related to that and like it being more than just a, like, quote, UN quote, romantic holiday. Yeah. Ever, like, my mom is. Well, like, my family made it, like, a love holiday for like all the relationships in your life. So we decorated with all kinds of like fun decor and like you got cards for your friends and also like grandparents and like really just celebrating like love in all forms, which was really great. And so I do that, you know now which makes it more fun. But my favorite part of Valentine's Day is decorating. I love decorating. I can’t even help myself. 

00:03:20 Katie F.

I do too, but like the decor is so.

00:03:21 Lexie

It's so fun.

00:03:23 Katie F.

Cute, because, like, leave it off your With the hearts, hearts are all time decor, you know so.

00:03:31 Emma

I love like the cuddle bears. The heart. [GROUP RESPONSE: Yeah. Yeah.] I feel like decorate cookies and just like, and making decorate Valentine's cards. Like for families and friends.

00:03:33 Katie B.

Yeah. Yes.

00:03:42 Speaker 5

Yeah, sure.

00:03:43 Emma

I also love eating chocolate covered strawberries.

00:03:47 Katie F.

Do you like to make them homemade or do you get them ordered?

00:03:51 Emma

I think homemade like homemade.

00:03:52 Katie F.

I think homemade unmatched.

00:03:54 Katie B.

I am going to throw out a recommendation. I don't know if anyone's ever been to the Melting Pot in Grand Rapids, they have the best chocolate covered strawberries. I mean you get to actually like dip it in.

00:04:02 Lexie

They're doing. Yeah. Oh my God.

00:04:04 Katie B.

It's like probably super expensive around this time, but go and like go go anytime. It's just so good.

00:04:13 Emma

Also, love watching like romantic movies like I like on Netflix like My Life with the Walter Boys.

00:04:20 Katie F.

One of my friends watched that I just like, I don't know. I'm not a huge movie person.

00:04:24 Lexie

I’m not either.

00:04:27 Katie B.

I do like Ten Things I Hate About You, though.

00:04:29 Lexie

I like. Did you guys watch After?

00:04:31 Lexie

I did. I did like that one. I haven't, I.

00:04:33 Katie B.

There's so many. Yeah, that was different.

00:04:35 Katie F.

I haven't seen the newest one?

00:04:38 Emma

I like seeing like the first one. I haven’t seen the others.

00:04:41 Lexie

I did like that.

00:04:42 Lexie

I also love just like Valentine's, I love cards in general, so like cards give them to my friends and that is, you know, writing them all out and –

00:04:46 Katie F.

Yeah, yeah.

00:04:50 Lexie

Giving them all out to people. It's always so fun, so that's that's another highlight. Spreading the love, you know.

00:04:54 Katie F.

Oh yeah.

00:04:56 Katie B.

Yes, I love it.

00:05:00 Lexie

Anyway, Valentine's Day can be so fun, especially with the candy and the cards and the decor, but it also can bring up a lot of emotions about relationships and loneliness and connection. I think it's important to remember that we all have relationships to develop and appreciate, even if you aren't currently in a romantic relationship.

00:05:19 Lexie

Healthy relationships and the skills to maintain them are so vital to everyone, no matter the situation and I relate to this differently because I recently ended my relationship with a long term partner and have been spending a lot of time thinking about what it means to be content on my own. My partner and I are way better as friends than dating, so having them still be in my life has helped the transition. Like a lot obviously, but I am someone who's always been in some type of relationship and starting back in like middle school, so I haven’t given myself much space to feel confident, like on my own, which is a bummer. So very thankful for this time and I'm trying to be very intentional and mindful about it. It's been really helpful to spend more time with friends. All of the little things I used to talk about with my partner I've been sharing with my best friend, and it's actually made us a lot closer, which I love obviously.

00:06:20 Katie F.

That’s so awesome because like, I think it's extremely difficult to still be friends with a long term partner like extremely difficult.

00:06:26 Katie B.

I agree.

00:06:29 Katie B.

I think it's important in like navigating like some relationships you have to say like a boundary like is this the boundary of mine to be a lifetime partner or are we better off as friends? And I think like finding that healthy balance is like hard to do but so important.

00:06:43 Lexie

It is certainly, like you said, it acts with like finding boundaries, but we just decided that like why would we throw away the whole relationship? Really, we're best friends. And so how sad to throw it all away when really the only like hurtful or like unproductive part was the like romantic one. So it kind of took away a lot of that tension.

00:07:03 Katie B.

Right. I can relate to also how you said like I was kind of feel similarly like I've always been with someone. Yeah. So like learning how to like be alone is so hard.

00:07:15 Lexie

So hard, like hard, especially if you've never been alone.

00:07:16 Katie F.

It takes time!

00:07:17 Katie B.

Yeah, like learning how to like. How do you appreciate things like just doing it yourself?

00:07:22 Lexie

Yeah, no, I know. So Speaking of that, actually, I've been spending more time doing things that make me happy, but like by myself like cause like a lot of those things I did, but like with him so. Yeah. Really, like on my own, but like for walks went to cafes, spending time with Sequoia.

00:07:41 Katie B.

If you guys ever follow Lexie, she has the best cafe recommendations.

00:07:46 Lexie

Oh my God! I spend way too much money in cafes like that, but I love them.

00:07:50 Lexie

Yeah, but relationships changing your ending is obviously like always tough, but I think it can help to adjust your thinking to focus on your relationship with yourself and like what you can do to improve that instead of constantly thinking about like I don't have anyone to do stuff with.

00:08:07 Katie B.

Right. Right. Kind of looking on the bright side.

00:08:10 Lexie

Definitely

00:08:11 Emma

So you know, for me, just like celebrating the little moments with my family since my family, I'm not from here. So it's like I live 2 1/2 hours away. So.

00:08:24 Katie F.

So do I. Like that time is so important.

00:08:26 Emma

Yeah, I gets hard like sometimes just like missing them or like just feeling the loneliness on campus and being, like, so far with away from them also like being an individual finding like your true self here on campus. Making new friends and just putting ourselves out there.

00:08:44 Katie B.

I think that's such a good point too, to like remember that in this like season of love, we can call it like remember like your families like always there. I mean like they helped raise you, they're there to nurture you and just kind of celebrating those relationships as well like you said like some of us our family are hours away and it's like we don't get to see them every day. So even just like sending a card or like sending a text. Or like doing something small like Venmo and like, hey, here's a little coffee money, like, thinking of you love you like, yeah, the words like, I love you to your family means more than we even know –

00:09:29 Lexie

Absolutely take or I'll speak for me. I know I've taken my family for granted because like oh, that's your family like they're always there. But as an adult that now lives like far away from them. I’m like Oh my God. Like I am so thankful for my family and I wish I had more time with them, you know, so.

00:09:36 Katie F.

And for those people listening who aren't as close as their family, as like maybe we are or your friends are, or your partner is. You do have someone that loves you out there. Yeah. No matter what, you will always have someone who cares about you, whether that be a professor or a friend, a roommate, whatever it is that you have, there is somebody who cares about you no matter what. But so I'm going to talk about being OK with being alone and with yourself. It's something I've really had to learn how to do in the past year and a half I had gotten out of a long term relationship of almost three years and I spent a lot of my developing years of who I will be with him. So moving to college and having to navigate that alone and not having like a, quote UN quote like person, right? It was kind of difficult. Like, I got lonely really quickly like. I was finding myself confiding in like my mom and my roommates, which there could be a lot like, less healthy ways to do that, but I felt like I was sharing every single aspect of my life and what was happening. And to an extent like, that's nice and that's all good you're talking. But I mean, you got to really learn how to be with yourself, you know, like.

00:11:10 Katie B.

Yeah, for sure.

00:11:13 Katie F.

So I realized that I was so reliant on another person as a human, like I shouldn't have to ever rely on somebody else to make me happy or give me attention or whatever that may be at that point in time. But. I just. I've learned so much in the past year and a half about being alone and truly having self-love. Yeah, it's definitely a different, different type of feeling than to just.

00:11:42 Lexie

For sure.

00:11:44 Katie F.

Be in a relationship with someone and like giving all of yourself to them and loving them instead of more like yourself.

00:11:52 Katie B.

I think it's so hard to learn how to like, love yourself without like the approval of others. And I think we seek that so much like we want other people to understand us. We want that validation that we don't even validate ourselves or love ourselves. So I think that's super important and also that you learn that.

00:12:11 Katie F.

Yeah, and in this past year and a half, I've learned so much about myself. I've done so many things that have gone out of my comfort zone, like being a peer educator. I've never been outgoing. I've always been like, I'll just do what I have to do and like, I won't do anything extra. And now I have three jobs. Like that is it's. It's less crazy than it sounds, but I have three jobs that are completely unique and nothing I ever thought I would actually be able to do. I have matured a lot. I feel like I have really high emotional and like emotional intelligence right now and just like, kind of gauging certain situations and honestly, I can sit here and say that I'm proud of myself and that kind of the progress I've made in the past year and a half is something I couldn't have done in a relationship?

00:13:12 Katie B.

Yeah. And you should celebrate that honestly, just like if you've grown. If you've gotten up today, gone to class like the small things you guys should celebrate and like, love yourself for that because you guys are here. You're in college, you're going to class. Nothing's easy these days. It's the small things.

00:13:23 Katie F.

Yeah. And no matter what, you're always doing hard things. Yeah, like, even waking up in the morning. That's like a hard thing to. Getting out of bed like if you have depression, anxiety, whatever, getting out of bed is one of your biggest battles of the day.

00:13:38 Katie B.

For sure.

00:13:40 Katie F.

And you doing that just shows how strong you are. So like if you are single, if you are lonely like, just get up every day and work for yourself. And that's easier said than done, but trust me, it will pay off.

00:13:56 Katie B.

And like if you do need that extra support, of course we here at the UCC are here for you. That's what the councilors do for you. They will help you and if they can't, they will find someone who can. So I think that's really a good point to know as well.

00:14:14 Lexie

You're never alone, and if you feel lonely. You are not alone.

00:14:19 Emma

Yeah, yeah. There's always going to be, like, someone there for you, as Katie said, like a friend or a family member or professor's roommate. Your neighbor. But yeah, like Katie’s saying with Valentine’s Day coming up, it's good to talk about, like the importance of healthy relationships, right. And loneliness and like self-love, making sure you're taking care of yourself. But now we're gonna transition to talking about our mindful moments for the day.

00:14:46 Emma

For me, I love getting a manicure or a pedicure just like, just nice self-love day for me.

00:14:54 Katie F.

Yeah, right. I love that.

00:14:59 Lexie

UM. I am most filled up by feeling connected to others. I would say, and my roommates Yeah, up. So after we finish our homework we all kind of all file into the living room.

00:15:13 Lexie

Ohh yeah, you know, you know with whatever friends are over, whoever's partner is over and we just kind of we'll play like music videos and we just talk about life and controversial topics.

00:15:25 Katie B.

Music videos do you guys ever air play like old videos from your childhood? No, actually.

00:15:30 Lexie

No, actually.

00:15:30 Lexie

That’s so fun.

00:15:32 Katie F.

I need to start doing.

00:15:39 Lexie

With that, but one of us will always bring up, like controversial topic or conspiracy theory on our minds. We just watched Interstellar. If you guys have seen that we talked about that for a long time.

00:15:53 Lexie

Let me plug interstellar then that is such a good movie. it's my favorite movie by far. Have you guys seen inception?

00:16:01 Katie F.

I'm not a huge, lousy person.

00:16:02 Lexie

I'm not either, but those two movies, like, oh, my God, I feel like I, But what's the

00:16:05 Katie F.

What can I watch it on?

00:16:07 Emma

I feel like I’ve heard of it. What’s it on?

00:16:09 Lexie

Inception and Interstellar, I think I actually don't know to be so honest. You like between all of us.

00:16:14 Katie F.

I'll figure it.

00:16:15 Katie B.

We all we can just like look just, yeah.

00:16:18 Katie B.

Who has an account for this?

00:16:22 Katie F.

Can I borrow your account?

00:16:23 Lexie

Yeah, I just feel Like I don't know, like talking through things with other people always makes me feel less alone, at least, and I feel incredibly in the moment when I'm like, discussing with other people, so I would consider those to be my most mindful moments lately.

00:16:39 Katie B.

Yeah, I love that. And for me, I was. I was like, gonna like, I don't know why I always like come in with a mindful moment and like, I'm like, I'm gonna talk about this. No, I something completely new popped in my mind. But I do want to give like a quick like shout out to like if you can get up in the morning and journal. I've been like watching a bunch of videos on that, and I really want to get into it. But that's not what I want to talk about, I'm actually. Like my mindful moment lately has been gift giving. I love like I love giving people gifts, finding things that I'm like, you know what, like they're going to like this.

00:17:12 Katie F.

That person would love this.

00:17:14 Katie B.

So like one of my friends who's studying abroad, I went to the same countries like I made her a journal with all the tips that I have. And along with gift giving, I do want to kind of like plug in there.

00:17:23 Lexie

I love that.

00:17:25 Katie B.

Like if you are in like a romantic relationship setting that like healthy boundary and just kind of like showing their appreciation and love for that person is just a great way to like, reaffirm and validate that this is a good relationship for you. And as we all talked about what it's like other forms of love, it is still important to romanticized and still bring importance to those relationships, while also not sacrificing yourself. I did want to throw that in there in my little mindful moments.

00:17:56 Katie B.

But I feel like I've just been like looking for gifts for people like oh they, they'll love that, yes.

00:17:59 Katie F.

No, that's so cute. That’s so previous.

00:18:04 Lexie

I also like that that’s so –

00:18:08 Katie F.

Um, my mindful moment is learning and kind of deciding what like my healthy coping skills are, I have noticed like my coping skills are usually like sleeping and I don't. Sometimes that helps, but at the end of the day it's just me avoiding everything. And that's a hard realization for me because I love to sleep. I love to sleep. But for example, today I was feeling super anxious, so I cleaned my entire room. I deep cleaned my entire room because I don't know if that was causing some of my anxiety or what, but it honestly did help me being able to like, just take a minute, just do something that I can physically see get better. Yeah, not even like mentally getting better, but like you can physically see your room getting cleaner.

00:19:01 Katie B.

Like focusing on what you can control.

00:19:03 Katie F.

Yes. And what you can control it honestly, I feel like it just helped me a lot more than I thought it did, but.

00:19:09 Katie B.

Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's just a great way to wrap up this week as the season of love as we like to call it, is right around the corner. We kind of remind everyone to take care of yourselves and those around you. And practice self-love while whether it's just waking up for the day, taking a nice like hot bath or shower, or maybe just like giving a compliment to someone. And honestly, it can make or break someone's day. So we just encourage that you do that. And I always like to say that if you are ever in any need of support, again, the UCC is right around the corner, quite literally from where we are right now. But that is all that we Peer Eds have for this week and we hope you all have a lovely Valentine's Day.

00:19:52 [EVERYONE]

XOXO, Peer Eds!