Holiday Magic with Louie the Laker: a Love Story
Written by Sarah Krishef
Published on 11/30/2020
You’re at GVSU over the holiday break when you meet the most attractive man you’ve ever seen. He’s tall. He’s muscular. And he seems to be a fisherman, or maybe a sailor of some kind?
Join us on a journey of self-discovery and true love as you discover the holiday spirit with the most iconic Laker of them all.
A Chilly Beginning
Brr! You exit the Marketplace with coffee in hand. You’re cranky because you’ve been forced to stay on campus for a week over winter break. Ever since your beloved hamster, Hammy, died in December of 2006, you’ve hated this time of year. To make matters worse, now your family has gone on an elaborate European holiday vacation and forgotten all about you, leaving you on campus completely alone.
Nautical Or Nice?
You’re bitterly scowling at the gray, snowy sky when a beefy shadow appears beside you.
“Isn’t it beautiful?” he says.
You look over and realize that a jock with an impressive chin is standing there. He’s wearing a blue and white striped t-shirt, which seems a little impractical considering the winter blizzard that’s just beginning.
Ship of the Season
After you strike up a conversation with this handsome stud, you come to realize how charming he is.
“It seems like you could use a little bit of holiday magic,” he says with a wink. “Let me show you how beautiful this time of year really is.”
He takes you on walks around campus and pours you hot chocolate. You listen to holiday music and hang decorations up all over campus. At night, you drive to downtown Grand Rapids and to go ice skating at Rosa Parks and marvel at all the beautiful lights. The week flies by.
A Storm Brews
But relationships aren’t always smooth sailing, and it’s not long before you and your beloved sailor are tossed into choppy waters. You get a call from your family that your other beloved hamster, Pip Squeak, has just passed away. This is just too much for you to bear. You tell your handsome boat man friend that you were right all along; the holidays are overrated and magic isn’t real. He pleads with you to give him another chance to show you the magic of the season, but you refuse to listen and angrily head to Kleiner to drown your sorrows in french fries.
You start running across the Little Mac Bridge towards Kleiner, tears streaming down your face. As it turns out, the bridge is covered in a thin sheet of ice, and you immediately start to slip. You lose control and start falling and sliding all the way across the bridge. You’re picking up speed!! You’re going to crash right into Padnos Hall!!
All of a sudden, a string of twinkling holiday lights lassos around your waist and stops you dead in your tracks, preventing you from crashing into your doom. It’s him.
You stumble to your feet. He carefully reels you towards him like the expert fisher he is, and you realize he’s holding a present wrapped in red paper and topped with a golden bow. Once you’re standing next to him, he hands it to you and watches you carefully unwrap it. It’s just what you needed: a new hamster. You gaze into his eyes gratefully as the years of resentment you’ve had towards the holidays starts to melt away…
Happily Ever Lakers
He turns away from you and begins to walk off into the sunset. You watch him pull a red velvet hat with a white pom pom on top out of his back pocket. He takes off his sailor hat and replaces it with the red one. He turns to look at you one last time and winks before hopping on a sleigh pulled by eight reindeer and disappearing into the sky .
He was Santa all along.