Two blue candy hearts: 4Ever Alone & How to Wallow in Self-Pity This Valentines Day

Posted on February 13, 2019
Written by Leah Erben

Student sitting alone at a table with a sign labeled "Single 4 life"

Ah, Valentine’s Day. It’s the most romantic day of the year for some and a day of misery and self-pity for the rest of us. This one goes out to all the Lakers who will be alone this February 14. Read on to find out what you can do to keep yourself occupied on Valentine’s Day and how to best wallow in your own sorrows.

Download Tinder

Well nothing else has worked, so you might as well give it a try. Make a profile, pick out some pictures that display your best features, and write a witty bio that show off how uniquely hilarious you are. Then, lie on your bed and swipe through profiles for hours. And hours. And hours.

Stare at the Wall

If you’re looking to spend your Valentine's Day bummed out and feeling bad for yourself, sitting on your bed and staring blankly at the wall in front of you is the perfect activity. This can keep you occupied for hours. Be sure to simultaneously think about all of your past relationships, why they didn’t work out, and worry about whether or not you’ll ever find “the one.”

Rant about how Valentine's Day is Stupid Anyways

Find anyone who will listen to you and tell them that Valentine’s Day is mostly a capitalist holiday anyway and was created by Hallmark to sell cards. It’s pointless and way overrated. Taking this stance is much more fun than recognizing that Valentine’s Day makes some people happy and just letting them enjoy their day.

Stare at the Ceiling

A lot of people choose to stare at a wall when they’re wallowing in self-pity, but in my professionally single opinion, staring at the ceiling is underrated. No matter what your preference is, both allow you to zone out and think about how much you wish you were on a date right now.

Delete Tinder

It was a stupid idea anyway and was getting you nowhere.

Splurge on Candy

Every store in existence is selling massive amounts of chocolates and candies this time of year. One of the benefits of being single is that you don’t have to share! Head to Meijer and treat yourself.

Be Jealous of Your Friends’ Relationships

Spend hours scrolling through Instagram and bitterly liking all of your friends’ sappy Valentine’s Day posts. Be sure to be overly critical of how stupidly cliché each picture is. The best thing you can do to ensure you stay miserable is to be unreasonably angry at how happy your friends are in their relationships.  

Download Tinder again

Maybe it wasn’t stupid. You gave up too quickly. Let’s give it one more go.

Valentine’s Day can be challenging for many of us, but it will be even more difficult for you if you actively choose to mope around. Instead, call up some of your fellow single friends to hang out! Or you could have a self-care day and spend time reminding yourself that you are a wonderful person worthy of love who just needs to be patient.

The Office of Student Life encourages you to visit the Events Calendar if you’re still looking for things to do on the big day, whether you go with a date, with friends, or proudly alone.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Lakers!

Page last modified October 6, 2021