Permanent link for Hidden in Plain Sight: How Stalking Disguises Itself as Normal on January 7, 2025

Stalking doesn’t always look the way we think it does—it’s not just someone hiding behind bushes or following you home. It can be subtle, persistent, and dangerously easy to overlook. January is Stalking Awareness Month, a time to recognize the signs, set boundaries, and support those affected by the pervasive and misunderstood behaviors of stalking.  

 

What Stalking Looks Like in Plain Sight: 

Stalking impacts 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men in their lifetime, according to a survey conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Masquerading as normal interactions, stalking behaviors often start small, escalating over time to blur boundaries, minimize behaviors, and blame the victim. Here are some examples of what stalking behaviors look and sound like: 

• “Just checking in”- Frequent, unwanted messages in the form of texts, calls, or social media messages that seem caring but cross boundaries 

• “Happened to be in the neighborhood” - Repeatedly showing up uninvited at your home, workplace, or social events under the guise of coincidence 

• “I just wanted to get you something nice” - Sending items, even after being told to stop, to maintain contact 

• “I was worried about you” - Using concern as an excuse to mask controlling behaviors and invade privacy 

• “Let’s stay friends” - Maintaining contact after a breakup despite requests for space  

• “So-and-so liked your post” - Excessive online monitoring that includes over-liking posts, commenting constantly, or keeping tabs on your online activity 

 

Why It’s Easy to Overlook 

Stalking often blends seamlessly into everyday interactions, making it difficult to identify at first glance. Persistent texts or "random" visits can be dismissed as harmless, well-intentioned gestures, leaving the victim feeling like they’re overreacting or imagining things. Minimization of the severity of the behavior leads to its dismissal. Additionally, media portrayals of relationships romanticize the “relentless” pursuit of a love interest, normalizing behaviors such as repeatedly showing up invited or refusing to take “no” for an answer (think Twilight or The Notebook and other examples here). This behavior is often depicted as a “grand romantic gesture” rather than recognizing it as potentially harmful and unhealthy. A study published in the European Journal of Psychology explained that the minimization and normalization of stalking, particularly cyberstalking, “may be driven not only by one’s gender, but also by a culturally accepted hierarchy of stalking narrative and gender attitudes.” 

 

Red Flags: When Normal Becomes Harmful  

To recognize stalking behaviors, consider these red flags:  

• Boundary Violations: They ignore your requests to stop contacting or following you. 

• Control Through Concern: They justify their behavior by claiming they’re “looking out for you.” 

• Escalation: Small, seemingly harmless actions grow into more frequent or invasive behaviors. 

• Unease: Trust your instincts—if someone’s behavior makes you uncomfortable, it’s worth addressing. 

 

Steps to Protect Yourself and Others 

1. Define and defend boundaries: Be clear and firm when stating your boundaries. Document any violations. This may sound like:   

• “I’m not comfortable with you messaging me so frequently. Please stop.” 

• “I’m not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. Please respect that.” 

• “I’ve made it clear that I don’t want to be contacted. If this continues, I’ll have to involve authorities.” 

• Want to learn more about how to set boundaries? 

      2. Strengthen digital security: 

• Use privacy settings on social media. 

• Avoid sharing your location publicly. 

• Block or restrict accounts as needed.

      3.  Document incidents: Keep records of messages, interactions, and behaviors that cross boundaries. 

      4.  Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends, campus safety or organizations specializing in stalking awareness/support. Visit GVSU’s Center for Health and Wellbeing or view the resources listed below.  

      5.  Support and believe survivors: If someone you know is being stalked, listen without judgement, validate their concerns, and help them access resources. 

• How to support a friend experiencing dating violence 

 

Resources for Support 

• On-Campus Resources 

• Victim and Survivor Advocate - nonjudgmental, confidential* support to victim/survivors of gender-based violence 

• Office of Civil Rights and Title IX - Assistance for students or staff who have experienced, witnessed, or been impacted by discrimination, harassment, or misconduct (including sexual assault, stalking, sexual exploitation, bullying, endangerment, hazing, and retaliation) 

• GVSU Police Dept - Will talk through reporting options or assist you in filing a police report 

• University Counseling Center - Counseling and mental health support for students free of charge 

• Additional Resources 

• Domestic Violence Hotline - essential tools and support to help survivors of domestic violence 

• RAINN - Resources for Survivors of Stalking/Cyberstalking 

• Resilience Hotline - 24/7 support for sexual assault, domestic violence, and stalking 

• YWCA West Central Michigan (Grand Rapids) - Support for individuals who experience intimate partner violence or sexual assault 

 

Bringing Stalking to Light 

Stalking thrives when it stays in the shadows of normalcy. By recognizing the signs of stalking, we can protect ourselves and others. Awareness is the first step to bringing these behaviors out of the shadows and into the light so they can be stopped. 

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